6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You should frame my arrest warrant.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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