how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
