Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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