I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
