you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
