theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
