I want to make a zoo with you.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
