??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
