i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
