you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
