watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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