I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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