If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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