yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
