now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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