textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
