The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
They took my balls.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
