My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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