8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
