fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
