haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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