Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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