Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
