Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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