My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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