So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
