the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
