no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
