this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
