Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
they need to just BURY HIM!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
