all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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