He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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