after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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