Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
