he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
