You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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