i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
