i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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