Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
