You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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