Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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