Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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