I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
