I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
