i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Mom said you looked used
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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