I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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