You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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