I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
