Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
