Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
