She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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