Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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