I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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