If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
