:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
