I bet he comes in French.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You need Xanax blowdarts
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
