Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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