I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
