Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
