she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
