Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
