hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
