First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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