he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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