Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
