One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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